Damon's Mourning Over Katherine
by Dbz VD rox
Summary: AU: Takes place after the season finale. What would have happened if Katherine had told Damon that the reason she never came back for him was not only because she didn't care, but because she never loved him and only loved Stefan? R


Damon's Mourning Over Katherine

A/N: This is just a little story I got inspired to write after my friend made up a song on the piano called "Damon's Mourning Over Katherine." It's really good! You can listen to it on my profile but the quality is crap. If I manage to get a better recording device that will give the video better quality then I will post it. For now just try to ignore the horrible quality and listen to the song. It's really beautiful and I think it would go along perfectly with Damon and a couple of flashbacks. Go to my profile and listen to it!

This story takes place after Founder's Day and is my version of what happened after Katherine killed John. Complete AU. Please read and review!

Chapter 1

Damon sat on a hollow log, looking more depressed then ever. He just found out that Katherine never wanted to be with him, she only wanted to be with Stefan. She just told him that moments ago as she came out of the house after she killed Uncle John. "I never loved you. I only loved Stefan." she told him that as she was going to dispose of John's body.

Damon never felt so betrayed in his life. He had been searching for her for 145 years only to find out that she never loved him, she just used him for her own amusement. The howling wind that blew around the trees fit well with him; it was howling his pain to the world, his pain of losing the one woman that he loved.

He felt emotionally and physically drained of energy, like he couldn't move on with the rest of the world. The world was constantly changing, constantly forming into something entirely new and Damon didn't know if he could keep up anymore. For him, the world has stopped moving and changing. The universe was nothing to him now. Everything he valued in life is gone. His love, gone. His humanity, gone. His caring and sweet side that only a few people got to see, gone. And the woman whom he thought had loved him is gone. Nothing in life mattered to him anymore. There's no point in living for all eternity if you can't be with the one you love. Damon learned that the hard way.

At some point he had wished a black void would open up in the ground and sallow him up. All the colorful radiance that the earth once had was now completely nonexistent in Damon's eyes. Trees coated with vibrate green was now just a dull green color. It no longer gave off the sparkle of life, reminding Damon that even trees were living things. His body may be in the present, but his soul and mind were in a different time where everything made sense again. The trees gave off their colorful waves of life and the sky was blue again. Everything made sense to Damon when he was locked up in his mind, rejecting the harsh reality that played before his very eyes.

In his mind, a song started to play. It was sweet and depressing. It calmed him. The sweet sound of the piano flowed through his body and mind, quenching the heartache that his mind felt. It reminded him of the woman that so heartlessly used him and stomped all over his heart. But in a way, the song helped ease that pain in his bleeding heart. It helped him to pull away from this fantasy world and move on with everyone else, to face that monster called reality. He would stare it in the face and say, "I'm through with you."

As the song entered is first verse, flashbacks of him and Katherine played out like a movie infront of him, showing him the woman he loved so dearly back then and showing him the monster inside of her. The way she moved, the way she would taunt him while he was in bed with her made him want her all the more. But then he would see all the flickers of all the pain she caused him, all the times she went to his brother made anger course through his veins like fire, and he was once again repelled from loving her. It was like a magnet, pulling him in one direction and then the other. He was caught between the pull and had to choose. Would he hate Katherine or love her?

He still loved her, but at the same time he felt nothing but hatred towards her. How could he hate and love her at the same time? His body was slowly being torn into by the two forces pulling at him, tugging him in different directions. He felt so helpless and lost inside. Anger and sadness clashed together, making the tug stronger and harder to escape from. He couldn't take much more of this. He just wanted it to end. He wanted his pain and loneness to end. The only sanctuary where he could total peace was that little cavern inside his mind where the sweet melody of the piano played.

More flashbacks of Katherine went through his mind. Some were good, others were bad. Damon didn't care; he just wanted the memory of her completely erased from his mind but at the same time he couldn't forget about her. She was too precious of a memory to forget. He loves her still, even though she most likely doesn't return the same feelings. He wanted her from the first moment he saw her, golden streaks of light embedded onto her corset, her beautiful curled hair hidden behind the hat she would wear, and those dark chocolate brown eyes that pierced his soul whenever he would look at them. He could easily get lost in them and drown if he stared at them too long.

The piano entered its first chorus of the song, invisible hands flowing gently on the keys, each sound coming out so beautifully as the last. It was the only thing keeping him sane, the only thing keeping him from killing his brother and taking back Katherine even though she would just cut into his heart more with her words, making him realize that she used him and played with his feelings. That was made very clear to Damon when he found out she didn't bother to look for him. He knew that underneath that devilish smile and those fake words of love was just a monster; a heartless killer. He just never wanted to acknowledge that.

The coldness of the earth surrounded him, wet leaves clung to his clothes and a few tear drops stained his cheeks. The song that was in his mind was getting louder now, the melody of the piano changed to a more depressing tune. He listened, absorbing the sad tune and letting his emotions flow with the song. He could see the smile, the fangs, and the blood all blurred into one. He could see her, and what she was capable of doing to him. She could mold him and shape him then she could break him. It was just that easy for her. Since she was stripped of her human feelings, she relied on her vampire instincts. She felt no shame, no sorrow, or sadness for what she did. Leaving Damon to look for her for 145 years was nothing more then just a game to her. She didn't care that Damon would be hurting, she didn't care that he had spent his entire existence looking for her, she only cared for herself.

More sadness entered Damon. He didn't know how much he could take before he went on a killing spree. He had the option of turning what little humanity he had left off, but he chose not too because he wanted his undying love for Katherine to stay with him, even though she loved his brother.

As the third chorus rolled in, Damon knew that Katherine was nothing but self-centered, he knew that already. But even though he loved her and only her, something was missing. A deep hole in his heart was left untainted by Katherine. It remained untouched, pure of any emotion. Damon tried to figure out what it was; surely his heart had been corrupted by now. Katherine made sure that his life was miserable. So why was he feeling that part of his heart remained empty and cold?

It wasn't until last sounds of the song faded away then he realized that Katherine wasn't the only woman he loved. Katherine wasn't the only woman that his heart ached for but he had been denying these feelings for her. A pure soul. A pure innocent soul lingered at the back of his mind, a string of golden light cast away in the shadows but always flickering ever so slightly like a candle to remind him that it was there. She was so kind and caring, selfless, and above all, free from this cursed world that he was bound to. Her warm smile always made him feel good. She would judge his actions but he knew that she cared about him. She had shown that several times. They had a tight friendship with each other but Damon could see that they had more then just friendship; they had a relationship that no one else could see. He secretly loved her, no matter how much he loved Katherine he loved her too.

He didn't realize that he was falling for Elena. He thought of her as his brother's lover and maybe a friend. But deep down, unseen feelings were slowly developing. He didn't see it at first, but as time when on he started to realize that he was falling for her. He made the connection when she hugged him after he found out that Katherine wasn't in the tomb. She had been so bold and fearless when she agreed to go inside with him. Damon knew that what he did in the tomb was dumb and reckless, leaving Elena by herself to go search for a woman who wasn't there.

A small gold flame licked at the back of his mind, intriguing him to go to it. He knew it was Elena, calling him to her. But he couldn't be with her. He knew that she loved Stefan but over these past few weeks when Stefan was on human blood and Elena went to him for support, he could feel the chemistry between them grow. They had bonded while Stefan was locked up in the cellar and Damon didn't want to lose that bond. He knew that Elena didn't have the same feelings for him but If Stefan and Katherine got together who would Elena turn to? She would come to him for support and their relationship would finally make itself known to the world. He loved Katherine, but he also felt a strong bond towards Elena. He didn't know who to choose. Elena or Katherine?

His mind spun with memories of them both, the images blurring together into beautiful rays of color, each memory consuming his every thought of the two girls he so deeply fell in love with and didn't even know how strongly he loved them. But he had to choose, who would it be? Who would he cherish, love, and be with for eternity?

He loved Katherine even after all the things she did to him. He had a love and hate relationship with her. But with Elena there was just love. He was starting to hate Elena because he loved her so much. He was drawn to Katherine mainly because she was his first love. He had never loved someone so much like he did with Katherine. Plus she was the one who gave him eternal life, a cursed life. But Elena was the complete opposite of Katherine. She helped people when they needed it and she wasn't greedy or impulsve like Katherine. She had a gold aura around her, always shining and pure; not dark or evil like Katherine's.

Damon clutched his fist in rage, anger and rage building towards Katherine. He loved her but at the same time he hated her and wanted nothing else then to be rid of her for good. It took him awhile to realize that he could never be with her, no matter how much it hurt him. He had to destroy her. Only then will he be free of her. His hatred for her ran deeper then love, and at that moment, Damon came to a conclusion that he was in love with Elena more then Katherine. He didn't realize it till now that his strong feelings for love weren't for Katherine, it was for Elena. That golden flame burning in the back of his mind exploded into a shower of honey gold, raining down onto the darkness that Katherine instilled into his mind and destroying it.

Damon stood up with a renewed sense of determination. He was going to the founder's council and find a way to kill Katherine. Only then can he be truly free.

**Fin**


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